What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
