I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's shark week go big or go home
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
