I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You can't special order awesome
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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