I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i now understand why vodka
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
