we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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