isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
