I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
