plz talk dirty to me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
