Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
