hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
