the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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