If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
