I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
