i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
