dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
