I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize