So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
