hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
People with herpes should wear stickers.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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