NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
