I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
