I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
