summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
