He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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