i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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