were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
