She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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