He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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