One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
