Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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