a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
