I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
