Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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