its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
