I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize