Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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