I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
