Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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