I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
