i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
