maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
