Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
