Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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