you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
