Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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