I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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