Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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