I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
