so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
