i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
