I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
