eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
