idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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