Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
