found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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