If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
