What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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