Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
