I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
