I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
