How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
