I'm so fucking centered right now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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