I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
