Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
