clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize