I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
