That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have aggressive nipples.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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