3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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