I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
