I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
