Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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