Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
