FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
