WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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