Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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