booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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