I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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