If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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