Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
