I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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