Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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